It's not, really. Just the end of a piece of my life, a period at the end of the sentence, but not the paragraph, giving way to something new, something different, something fresh. The end of the beginning, if you will.
I've decided it's time to close the doors to The Inside Cardboard World. I've been keeping quiet on the blogosphere for the last few months, writing posts sporadically and inconsistently, and I think it's time I face the truth that I'm just not in a place to keep blogging on a regular basis right now.
This is not to say that I'm giving up on blogging. On the contrary, I know I'll come back to it eventually. Part of what I've realized as an author is that in order to reach the most people effectively, it generally helps to create a website based off your actual name, versus something vague and obscure like a world made from cardboard.
When I'm ready, I plan on returning to the web with a brand new website and blog, one that's more easily accessible, while still retaining many similar elements of this blog. Hopefully I'll have more information then on my other writing projects, and it can serve as a stepping stone to the next leg of my journey as a writer.
What I know now is that I still plan on devoting quite a bit of time this summer to writing and sending out query letters for my novel, Yellowtree. I can tell you that I will continue to work on my writing, to be critical of it, but also show grace to myself, in hopes that I can continue to grow and mature in the craft.
When I'll be ready to move beyond the behind-the-scenes work and start putting it out there again for people to see and read and critique and discuss is still a mystery. It has nothing to do with other people and how they've responded in the past. The readers of my blog have always been incredibly gracious and honest and kind, and for that, I am eternally thankful. I know conversations on the Internet can turn hostile and vitriol rather speedily, and I'm so glad I never had to have that experience on my blog.
But I need some time to figure myself out, what I'm doing now and in the future, where I'm going and who I'm becoming. And if that all sounds super fluffy and vague and distant, it's because it is right now. I don't know much more except that what I'm trying to figure out can only really be figured out with time. Time spent being vulnerable with myself and with others, in person and over phone calls, in solitude and in company, but not online through a blog post.
Not yet, at least. I know that time will come again, that I've witnessed too much goodness and Light grown from the interactions I've had on this blog to ever give it up for good. Writing is a part of me, and it's one of the very few things I know right now, in the deepest depths of myself, that writing will stay with me through the rest of my life.
That's what I've got right now, friends. I'm sorry if it's not enough, if it's muddled or confusing or lackluster. I need some time away from blogging, away from even the pressure of needing to write another post, and I know it's time to move beyond The Inside Cardboard World. It's been a good run, and I'm thankful for that day not so long ago I decided to just go for it and write an introduction post back in 2012. I saw the world a lot differently back then, fresh out of high school, often times painting in black and white versus the glorious world of watercolors I'm slowly coming to realize.
In the end, though, I was still pretty much the same. Still awkward, confused, often times clueless me, trying to figure out how to not only catch glimpses of beauty in this world, but take part in God's Kingdom Work of creating some ourselves. Still trying to figure out how to love others, and also myself, and find the courage to say help, please, and learn to laugh at myself, and be brave and be kind all at once.
So I guess this feels like goodbye because it is, in a way. But I'm also stepping forward into whatever happens next, and that makes it seem less like goodbye, and more like, I'll see you again soon, right?
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Here are a few highlights from this blog over the years:
-My blog post, identity crisis: man up, was published in the e-newsletter, Arise, from Christians for Biblical Equality!
-I published the most vulnerable piece I've ever written, i don't always tell you, and received incredible, supportive feedback (the exact opposite of what I was expecting)!
-I published a series on romance and singleness within Christianity, starting with my own feelings toward singleness, and branching out to several fantastic guest bloggers on both marriage and dating relationships!
- the post i swore i'd never write (on singleness)
- the romantic cardboard pedestal by Jamie Miller
- why i am getting married young by Shelby Grosser
-I started the layers and links series (beginning with volume one) in order to highlight a diverse range of voices on various topics each month.
-I hosted a two-part vlog series, behind the cardboard camera!
- walk forward (with myself)
- don't be afraid (with Jonah Venegas)
-Last but not least, I had the poem this site was named after, the inside cardboard world, published both in print through Coeval, the literary magazine for Bethel University, and online through The Sterio Studio. The Sterio Studio also published my poem, i am not a man.
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your support, dear friends. Until next time-
Anthony.
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