throwing up yellowtree on paper.

December 1.

Total words written in the month of November = 50,072.

Total words currently written in Yellowtree = 80,923.

I guess you could say I just barely scraped by, 72 words over the minimum requirement, but it still counts as a victory in their books.

Here's why it counts as a victory in my books. I really could've cared less about the word count and the quantifiable progress I had to track throughout the month, statistical bars rising with each passing day. What mattered the most to me was getting myself into the habit of writing, in hopes that it would become something I make time for every day, whether or not I'm feeling 'inspired', whether or not I like my characters on that particular day.

In reality, I hated my characters for about half of the month. The beautiful, as well as agonizingly difficult part of National Novel Writing Month is that it forced me to just plow ahead, not looking back at what I had written and taking time to edit, but throwing up on the paper so I could look back at the end of the month and actually have something to edit.

Now, I'm still not finished with Yellowtree. I still have quite a bit left to write, and I made it my next goal to finish the rough draft by the end of the January, giving me 62 more days to throw the rest of it up. But thanks to National Novel Writing Month, I know the fallacy of waiting to write until I get a good idea, of holding off because I'm not feeling in the mood, or any of the other cardboard excuses we authors like to come up with to procrastinate. For I have sat at the computer for hours now, feeling completely uninspired and telling myself over and over again that I'm writing crap, it's better to just give up and delete it.

Don't hit backspace.

Not yet, not now. For that is writing. It's the nitty gritty, day-to-day clicks of the keyboard that feel like they're echoing into space, but somehow manage to forge a path in the wilderness when it's dark and I can't see what's in front of me. It's bringing human beings to life when your words feel dead and it's 2 AM. It's the small victory of finding that one perfect sentence in the midst of pages and pages of nonsense. It's hard work and sweat, all while lying down in bed, computer in your lap. It's not glamorous or glitzy, not New York Times bestseller lists and Harry Potter success. It has the potential to become all of that, but only after the hard stuff, only once your brain is mentally exhausted and you start seeing words in the grass.

NaNoWriMo wasn't some breezy blast where I got to accomplish my dreams and earn the right to brag about being an author. Actually, for a lot of the time, it wasn't even that fun. But that's what gives me hope that I'm maturing as an author, the fact that it was somehow still so wildly exhilarating and addictive, the fact that I wanted to keep going even when I hated my book and wanted to make my characters strangle each other so I wouldn't have to keep writing about them. Because deep down, it wasn't a hate of writing that was driving any of it - it was a love of it.

And that, my friends, is how I know it's worth it, and why I'm so crazy passionate about finishing Yellowtree.

goodbye cardboard, hello yellowtree.

So, it's November 1 (technically it's past midnight, but that's beside the point). November also means that it's National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days (approximately 1,667 words per day).

And if you've been paying attention to the recent updates on my blog, you'll see that I'm currently working on the novel, Yellowtree, and I've become pretty passionate about it. But I've also been majorly slacking off in working on it, so I decided to just go for it this month and try to add 50,000 words onto the bugger. There may be some days I don't reach the exact daily word goal, but as long as I'm writing every day, I figure it'll get me into a good habit and prod me forward in the long and strenuous (but oh so beautiful) process of writing.

All of that to say, I will be taking a one-month hiatus from this blog to focus whole-heartedly on my novel. If all goes well, I may share more of it with you here (the first chapter is already posted). But if I'm going succeed at this and balance it with all of my school work, I need to give some things up for the month of November, and unfortunately, the inside cardboard world is one of them.

I'll let you know how I do on December 1. Until then, peace to you. And pray for peace for me as I embark on this crazy adventure.

the good, the bad and the ugly truth.

"Love... rejoices with the truth."
--1 Corinthians

That one line is such a profound little statement, I don't think I fully realized its brevity and beauty until this past week. I was sitting out at camp, only feet away from a gorgeous lake, and I decided to re-read 1 Corinthians 13: the love chapter. It's such a well known text, people like to stick it on the backs of postcards, coffee mugs and magnets without even giving it a second look. While the entire chapter really is incredible, it was that one verse that stuck out to me the most.

The Lord's been teaching me a lot about honesty lately. There's something so simply beautiful about telling the truth. Some times, it doesn't have to come in any cardboard, gift wrapped packages with elegant, fancy bows; just the bare truth is enough, lying out in the open where it can be stepped on.

But where it can also be seen.

I think a lot of the times, we like to tell the truth to gain something for ourselves - to get something in return from a certain person, or to get a specific response out of them. And sometimes, we very well need to receive something from the whole ordeal. But there are other times when the truth just needs to be told.

I recently was confronted with either keeping the truth inside, pressing it deep down where others can't really see it, but where it festers and cracks and rots underneath the surface, or telling the truth just to tell the truth. It wasn't a very pretty truth, and it was painful for me to say it to one of my dear friends. But there's something so incredibly freeing about getting it off your chest, even if it leaves you completely vulnerable. And even if I can't look back and pinpoint a specific advantage or goal or prize I received from it, I can at least look back and know that I told the truth.

Sometimes, that's enough.

Beyond that, as the verse above states, as Christians, we're told that love rejoices in the truth. No matter how ugly, no matter how painful, no matter how hard it is to get off your chest, a real, deep and raw love is one that sees the truth for what it really is and doesn't shy away from it. Rather, it rejoices in its very nature, knowing that God himself is Truth. It goes against our nature to celebrate something that can be so unbearable and challenging, as it's so much easier to slip inside our shells and keep our issues to ourselves. It can be a truly terrifying thing, but it's also completely humbling, as we have to stop thinking about ourselves and what we want to get out of the situation. Instead, we have to come to terms with the fact that we may not get a pat on the back or a thumbs-up for being brave and telling the truth. Our feelings might get hurt, our hearts could get trampled on, and people may judge us. But in the end, we can still always rejoice, knowing that we demonstrated a real, agape kind of love in telling the truth.

We don't often think about this kind of love while reading 1 Corinthians 13. We like to write it in the middle of a beautiful painting of a garden, surrounded by birds and quiet scenery. But love isn't always smooth, it doesn't always flow peacefully like a river. And when it does get rough, we like to pout and slam doors and clench our fists.

But if the truth is based on Christ*, then it's going to be beautiful no matter how painful it is; it will flourish like a house built on the Rock. This itself is a hard truth to accept, but it's worth it to know and accept and preach to ourselves daily.

Love rejoices with the truth. Yes, let us preach that to ourselves daily, so we always remember the healing power of not only the truth, but of the one and only Truth.

*Emphasis on the "based on Christ" part of the sentence. I'm not advocating for everyone to go around and just speak their mind. Caution, discernment and prayer must be exercised in telling the truth.

one-word-descriptions around a late night bonfire.

My cousin’s going to China.

I think it still feels slightly unreal. I’ve known Katie since diapers, back when we were stupid and naïve and played with cardboard and almost annoyed each other to death every time we got together to play. Fortunately for us, we grew out of those tendencies once we hit the teen years, and we’ve been best friends for quite some time now. 

Katie’s also worked at camp with me for the past four years – ever since I’ve been there, she’s been there too. She left this morning to go home, headed halfway across the world for a five week internship in just a few short days. Last night, the entire camp staff had the wonderful opportunity to sit around a bonfire and tell everyone what they appreciated most about her. We all came up with different words that best described her, and then expanded on why we chose those words.

Faithful. Spirited. Questions. Quiet force to be reckoned with. Uplifting. Delightful.

For this sure to be awkward blog post (Katie’s uncomfortable with so much attention focused on her), I decided to elaborate on the three words that I chose. Because at the very least, someone as beautiful and courageous as Katie deserves to have a blog post written about her.

Servant- Katie lives her life in a constant state of servitude to others. She has this constant posture of stooping below people to lift them up, not to gain anything for herself, but because the love of Christ pours out so abundantly from her heart, she can’t help but put others first. It doesn’t matter how uncomfortable, inconvenient or challenging it is for herself, she presses on anyway because she sees people for who they really are: beautiful image bearers of Christ. Because of this truth, she can’t help but serve them whenever possible.

Comfortable- Katie’s one of the most comfortable people to be around. It’s like she wears this big welcome mat around her heart, standing with open arms where anyone can come in for a hug, some laughter and a cup of coffee whenever they need it. My first year on camp staff, I felt pretty uncomfortable in such a new environment, surrounded by new people. It was mainly because of Katie that I came into my own skin and felt comfortable coming out of my shell. She just has this incredibly simple way of making you feel like you’re sitting at home with close family and friends and are able to relax no matter what stress the day held earlier.

Passionate- I will never forget the night that Katie left me an at least five minute long message, ranting and yelling about one of her friends that was convinced women couldn’t be pastors. While I could really only make out about half of it, I’m still always a bit taken aback by Katie’s passion. She stands firm in what she believes in, planted on Christ The Solid Rock, and it’s so encouraging to see her so unwavering in her faith. She is stable. She is steady. She truly is a quiet force to be reckoned with. I have seen the same passion come out in the way she talks about China. It’s been a desire pressing on her heart for many years now, and her commitment to spreading the Gospel there, no matter how dangerous or challenging it is for herself, has never faded. My cousin has guts.

Another purpose for this blog post is to serve as a reminder, a reminder to lift Katie up in your prayers, to call out to the Lord for her safety, but also for her mission, that the light of Christ would burst out so powerfully from her heart, it reaches people and pierces past their walls, sinking deep down into their souls.

I love you, Katie.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

--Joshua 1:9